Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
