Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
40s are totally the cure
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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