Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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