i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
