WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
sex in a hospital.. check
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
