Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize