yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
