whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think I won the penis lottery.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
