I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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