I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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