Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
