We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just high enough for therapy.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
