I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
