im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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