I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
