is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
