Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
