so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
