She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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