i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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