i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
