"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
