There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
