i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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