I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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