I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I love you. Go after that dick
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
