girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
