p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
