also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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