guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
