wanna go halves on a baby?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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