I can text with my tongue
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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