I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
