I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
