shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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