the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
