my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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