Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
