so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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