The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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