I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
