I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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