Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
