Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
