Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
