jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
