Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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