when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just blew my weed a kiss
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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