ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
