and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
