my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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