dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
