A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
