I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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