Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
