So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
