You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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