I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
