Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
