so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
