theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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