did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
