My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
