We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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