I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
