we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
