just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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