Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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