I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
