hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
