we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the day after is always just damage control
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
