Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize