thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
